A Letter To The Mom Who Is Hard On Herself: 3 Truths You Need To Hear

motherhood new parents perfectionism postpartum postpartum anxiety postpartum depression May 06, 2024
new mom, mom who is hard on herself, postpartum mom, mom and baby

As a new mom, I was so incredibly hard on myself. Pre-baby me was also super hard on myself, but motherhood brought out this next level version of my inner critic that was awful. I loved my baby beyond words, however I also felt so lost and disconnected from myself. I didn't even know who I was anymore.I missed my life before baby. I missed my independence. I missed being able to come and go as I please, I missed sleep, I missed spontaneous adventures with my husband. And I felt so much guilt for this. I beat myself up when I made mistakes. And I often thought that my baby deserved a better mom. If I loved my baby so much, how could I want to be away from her or miss my alone time? I thought I must be the worst mom in the world, right?!

Wrong. In the world of motherhood, there's an unspoken pressure to embody the image of the perfect parent, perpetuated by glossy Instagram feeds and Pinterest-worthy moments. There's also messaging that tells moms that they need to be selfless and put their baby first always. But let's be real for a moment: motherhood is messy, chaotic, and beautifully imperfect. And it's time to embrace the truth.

Can we please change this narrative that by being honest in motherhood, not loving every moment, wanting time for you, or missing who you were before baby that this makes you a bad mom or an ungrateful one? This is such BS.

Here are 3 truths I needed to hear when I was in the thick of self-doubt, and I’m hoping by sharing them they will help you too.

 1. You can miss who you were before baby AND love being a mom

Let's face it, life before baby was different. You had more freedom, more spontaneity, and more time for yourself. It's okay to reminisce about those days and long for a taste of that freedom again. But guess what? It doesn't mean you love your child any less. It just means you're human, craving a piece of your pre-baby self, relationships, and life. There is so much normal grief in all of this. Let yourself feel it mama. You are grieving, you are not a bad mom! 

2. You can want alone time AND love spending time with your baby/kids

Repeat after me: wanting alone time does not make me a bad mom . This also does not make you selfish. It's essential for your mental health and well-being. Taking a break doesn't diminish your love for your child; it replenishes your spirit so you can show up as the best version of yourself for them. So, go ahead, schedule that solo coffee date or indulge in a longer shower (not one that you rush through).

 3. You are allowed to not love every part of motherhood AND not want to change it for the world

 Let's be honest – parenting comes with its fair share of challenges. Sleepless nights, baby crying in the grocery store, endless diaper changes – it's not always rainbows and butterflies. And you know what? That's perfectly okay. Acknowledging the tough moments doesn't make you any less grateful for the joy and love that motherhood brings. It just means you're human, navigating the unpredictable rollercoaster of raising a tiny human.

Two (or more) truths can exist at the same time. And you are not a bad mom for feeling any of this. So here's to embracing the messy, beautiful reality of motherhood – the highs, the lows, and everything in between. Let's celebrate the imperfect moments, lift each other up, and rewrite the narrative of motherhood to reflect the truth: that being a mom is messy, chaotic, and imperfect – and you deserve support. You got this mama!

Motherhood can be so so hard. Sometimes it can feel like an uphill battle.You don't have to struggle alone. We've been where you are, and we can help you get to the other side so you can truly enjoy and embrace motherhood and your imperfections. If you’re looking for more support and you want to build calm & confidence in motherhood, click here to learn more about how therapy or supporting coaching with Alex or Sasha might be right for you. 

 With love,

Alex & Sasha

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